Remember Me was boring for the first thirty minutes, pointless for the next hour and ridiculous for the remainder.
I hope it sinks like a stone.
But if you really must:
Troubled, sensitive youth, Robert Pattinson is the scion of a wealthy family New York family, but lives in squalor as he tries to come to terms with his brother’s suicide. He hates his cold-hearted captain of industry father, but loves his little sister. He is rebellious, and he smokes cigarettes and drinks beer. He is brimming full of inner turmoil that occasionally leads him to do bad things, but for the right reasons. For instance, he gets into fights — and he doesn’t even, like care, if he gets arrested, or whatever. Emilie de Ravin, who is set up as some sort of every-girl, is also troubled, and has a dead mother.
Hooray! Two hours of torture.
Assuming that this charmless melodrama was made for teen girls/young women I can’t think of a bigger insult.
The movie is stale, pointless and tiresome and seems to be a callous and premeditated gambit at grabbing teen dollars.
Patkinson is set up to be every girls’ dream: he’s tough, but kind; sensitive, but has an inner rage; he’s a bad boy, but not too bad; he’s broken, but with the love of the right woman, he can be fixed. It’s all so… contrived.
Actually I hope it was callous and premeditated. Because if it wasn’t, and the scriptwriter believes that he was really writing good character and story, he deserves the Annie Wilkes treatment.
(I’ve got my mallet ready, you strap him down.)
Although de Ravin and Pattinson do their honest-to-god best with the material, the movie is just too broken to work. They ‘act’ well enough, but there’s no chemistry between them, and their dialogue has no zip. (See the upcoming Whip It for how ‘zip’ can save a movie from drowning in cliché). The rest of the cast including the always-good Chris Cooper and the not so always-good Pierce Brosnan also give it a shot, but it’s wasted effort.
At one point Emilie (who I have had an enormous crush on for quite some time) says “It is cheap. I’ve seen this scene a hundred times.” Me too, Emilie. Me too.
When our heroes meet for the awkward-but-cute pick-up scene I wanted Colin Farrell in In Bruges; when they were cooking/flirting in the kitchen I wanted Annie Hall; I wanted anything with Jemery Piven in it the best friend bits; and God forgive me, for the talky-talky feelings bits I was gagging for a dose of Dawson’s Creek.
Mostly, I wanted it to be over.
I’m surprised at how much hostility I have towards it. Normally when I trash a movie it’s because, ultimately, I’m just disappointed with it — I really want to love new movies. (swear) But it’s rare that I’m actually angry.
So well done to director Allen Coulter, and writer Will Fetters.
And the “twist” at the end.
Fuck me. Jesus. Really? Was this written by a 16 year old?
Verdict: Avoid, unless you hate yourself.
Hold on! Before you go. There was one good thing: Ruby Jerins plays Robert’s little sister. I’ve no idea what age she actually is, but she looks about 11. She’s brilliant. Absolutely great. The cutest/coolest thing on the screen this week.
By: Brian Herron.
Here’s the trailer:
